26 th of october.. wut so special abt this date???

hmm... come to think of it.. wut is so special abt 26.10.08??
ramai giler my fwens yg kawin on this date.. then da next question popped out.. when izzit goin to be me??? warghhhh... :((

bowink...

i have to submit 4 ASSignments before this weekend and another one next week.. so wut am i doin hiah? Lyla!!! get back to work!!!! grrrrrrrrrr

Hujan Lagi?

just yesterday i received a call from mama saying dat my fav uncle passed away.. he is abah's younger brother.. they're very close.. in fact acik ( my uncle ) stayed with abah n mama until he got married.. n acik rapat with our family.. everytime abah sakit or masuk hospital mesti dia dtg jenguk..

yang terkilan sangat tu dia sakit kali ni kitorg tak tau pun.. in fact he passed away on saturday, our relatives did tried to contact us.. tapi masa diorg call tu we were out pergi kubur arwah abah.. baru yesterday mama tau.. tak sempat kitorg jumpa dia pun.. :(

belum setahun abah pergi... acik pun dah pergi.. masa abah passed away.. he did talked to me.. sabarkan.. n i was thinking he wud be my choice to be my wali.. as he remind me of abah a lot.. tapi tak sempat juga.. :((

to abah n acik.. cuma yassin dan doa dari adik yang tak putus2 untuk 2 insan yang sangat adik sayangi.. semoga tenang dan ditempatkan dikalangan orang yang beriman.. amin..

Dear God..

Dear God,
Pls gimme strength to face all ths.. Tunjukkan jalan yang terbaik for everyone's sake.. If only I have abah to talk to..

Travis
Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights
Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling when you belong.
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by invisible men
Still life on a shelf when
I got my mind on something else
Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong.
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights
Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling when you belong.
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
Why does it always rain on me

I hate bein single!!

Few years back ( in fact few months ago ) i wud say i'm happy being single.. free.. party life.. friends.. hot guys.. :P all good things will be flowing.. but for da last few weeks.. I hate being single.. I felt miserable.. lonely.. I need sumone!! huhuhuhuhuhuh... i guess wut a friend told me was right when i told him dat i dun like to stay home alone anymore..

"that is da sign dat u're sick of being single"

so shud i just marry anyone? hell no!!.. altho.. i do have sum options.. *wink*

but still.. y "he" is da one dat i cudnt stop thinking of???

huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

-miserably me-

Day 4 of Raya

Hmm.. sedar tak sedar dah raya yang keempat.. cepatnyer masa berlalu..
To dearie fwens yang hantar smss for raya, terima kasih byk2 atas ingatan korang.. but honestly, I dun even feel da mood untuk celebrate raya this year..

Most of my fwens tau yang this year I wont be back to my hometown in ipoh for raya, but on the sunday, a few days before raya, I called mama asking her whether she wud be ok of celebrating raya alone, since my sister is in Aussie n my brother will be back to his wife's hometown @Malacca. Baru la that evening i kelam kabut get a ticket back to KL.. thanx to Dr Yasmin yang temankan gi airport n purchased a RM672 to n fro KL-KK ticket.

This wud be the first year I celebr8 raya without abah.. It was hard..Every nite of raya abah akan takbir raya di rumah.. n this year.. sunyi.. I cried.. but I dun wanna show it in front of Mama.. so I just kept it inside and put up a fake smile.. I'm trying so hard to be happy.. thanx to friends like Wan, Lola, Dira, Hilal and Dee, even Zura.. At least they cheer up my raya.. n especially thanx to Dennis dear.. u accompanied me almost da whole time i dun even have time to be sad.. so yeah.. thanx to u.. to dear Gabe as well.. altho most of da time i wud be pening melayan mamat belgium nie ( i cud hardly understand wut he said :P ) but i know his intention was good.. n he is indeed a great friend..

I just got back from kubur abah.. I felt a bit relieve after a while talking to myself pretending I'm taking to him.. I told him a lot of things.. like I used to.. I know it's crazy, but I hope he can hear me.. owh well.. all I can do is to recite do'a for him.. n sedekahkan dia dengan Yassin.. semoga dia ditempatkan dikalangan orang2 yang beriman.. Ameen..

Silly Me :P

kan korang bleh just tgk my old blog, kan??? hahahha... :P silly me...
http://bellezaminx.blogspot.com/

old blog : Just Created a New Blog

finally.. i created a blog for public to read ( now i'm wondering, who da heck will read? haha ) i mean.. at least da next time people ask me "lyla, u ada blog?" i dun mind giving this blog add.. my last blog was too screwed up for me to pass around ( in another word i'm not so proud of my last blog because of the content; which probably i hafta to explain y, but not now, perhaps in my next post )

anyway..just got back from KT for Debat Kemerdekaan..well.. UMS just managed to break into semi.. a lot of shocking results this time.. like.. urmm.. how UPM kalah ngan USIM.. UMS with UPSI.. n of course UIA ngan UTP.. but like Encik Tajul said, not everyone will perceive the way u do.. perhaps para hakim didnt look at the issue the way u do, n that is when convincing power is very much important..

speaking of power of convincing.. nak buat camana ke.. not even one of UMS yang perempuan cakap ala2 announcer kat KLIA.. i mean.. take other girl debater, semuanya ala2 lembut n suara manja2.. haha.. bukan la kitaorang tak leh manja2 gak ( hahahahahaha) but then i dun see the need of manja-manja'ing in debate.. dat is just not our style..those who terasa in any way, i am sorry.. but i'm just saying wut i feel, n takde niat untuk mengatakan yang debaters who use suara manja2 n lembut2 tu tak patut.. but like i said, dat is just not our (UMS ) style.. so in another words, maybe kitorang ni takde power of convincing la kot..

ape2 pun, i do believe sum people prefer the knowledge itself speaks rather than convincing people with your charm..like this afternoon, i went and see my fav lecturer, Mr. Ismail to discuss on my thesis.. I have a total respect to this one lecturer.. I mean.. eventhough he is just a normal lecturer ( basically becuz dia reject to be Vice Dean ) tapi dia different in his very own way.. he might not have the charm of convincing people ( especially he is known as "i dun care" lecturer) but his knowledge speaks it all..n so does he.. he have more respect to people who speak with knowledge rather than just charm itself.. so it was a great relieve to know that knowledge is utterly important.. more than just using whatever assets dat u have to convince people. so i guess i'm gonna just stick to being myself; tough, aggresive, not afraid of speaking up, n most important, i dun speak nonsense.. n i'm proud to say that i'm smart.. *wink*owh well.. ade lagi debat lain such as debat FOMCA, royal and IKIM, which i can almost assure everyone i wont join IKIM.. hahaha.. those yang close to me mesti tau sebab ape.. :Pso for now i better concentrate on my thesis, puasa yang dah nak dekat n my lil mojo yang makin kuat makan..

old blog : debat NC 2008

Just got back from debate NC, final untuk junior..hmm.. apa conclusion yang ble dibuat?lemme see.. all i can say is dat penguasaan konsep masih terlalu lemah.. which is frustrating.. there was one time dat day i was the judge for one of the match.. it was the worst in the history i think, i cudnt decide who will win, even the best speaker pun tak bleh i nak decide... bukan sebab hebat sangat, but then sebab teruk sangat i rasa macam nak kalahkan je dua2.. adoi.. beban juga jadi hakim nie..

yesterday nite i spent my whole nite chatting with an old fwen of mine, Mike.. good for him he is doin his PhD at Stockholm Uni in Mathematics.. he was so busy these days dat he doesnt even have time for himself.. it makes me think, how wud i be studying kat US or Canada ( i havent decided) nanti.. alone, miserable and single... huhuh.. it cud be both good and bad thing actually. Good, becuz i have wider range or guys to choose ( haha ), or bad ( i wud be bored being alone ).

Speaking of my love life, just so everybody noe ( cuz i'm tired of answering to other people's qs), yes i am single. BIG FULL STOP. no more question.owh well.. i better say no more, or else i hafta start a whole new blog.. haha.. so.. chiao..

old blog: Alahai UMS

it's 12:53 in the morning and i'm still fresh.. just got out from shower and eating a maggi cup.. :P

so.. anyway..i just got back from final debat NC.. ade a few things yang mmg boleh dipertikaikan..

first.. ntah la.. penganjuran kali ni teruk giler.. not to say tahun2 lepas tak teruk, but by far this year is the worst.. konon2 ade new slot which kitorang bleh undi thru sms siapa yang boleh jadi personaliti debat this year.. n we were like.. "ok.. sumthing new.. " ( although ade yang question, ni debat ke another AF-wannabe's.. ) but then smpai end of the majlis pun tak buat.. apparently ade technical problem yang menyebabkan benda tu cancel.. but then malu la.. cause diorg dah inform the VIPs.. pengacara majlis pun sengal giler.. dah la lembab.. penuh labuci.. banyak plak buat kesilapan.. seriously it portray image yang memalukan pada orang luar.. it made me think.. diorg ni perlukan kursus on how to handle a majlis... even better a program.. i remmber back then when i was an outsider.. sume orang cakap klu UMS yang menganjurkan majlis, confirm "meletup".. as in makanan, tempat tinggal n hospitality mmg UMS antara yang terbaik.. recently, masa debat alam sekitar, ramai giler yang tak puas hati, termasukla kitorang yang mmg from UMS.. yang nak mengadap orang2 luar ni la yang tebal muka.. kesian gak to Dr Ramzah, Dr Yasmin, Abg Fahmi and kitorg pendebat2 UMS pun kena sama tempiasnyer..so ntah bila la benda ni nak berubah.. i have no idea.. alahai UMS...

secondly.. finally AB make a change masa persembahan.. all these while it will always be nasyid.. sampai bak kata Dr Yasmin, tahun baru cina pun persembahan dia nasyid.. so this year ade la nampak perubahan bila diorg persembahkan tarian tradisional sabah..bukan la kitorg against nasyid.. cuma kadang2 kesesuaian majlis tu.. macam deepavali or tahun baru cina, aper kerjanya buat nasyid.. yang tak best nya pulak, ade plak tersesat sorang "lelaki" dikalangan penari2 perempuan tadi.. n memakai plak baju perempuan.. i have nothing to against this group.. but then again.. takkan la depan orang luar pun u nak buat macam ni, kan? i was sitting with other hakim dari luar.. n i saw their reaction... ade yang bisik2.. this guy pun menari.. pergh.. kalah kitorang yang perempuan.. gemalai giler.. alahai UMS

3rd.. the quality of final debate kali ni itself.. adoi.. nak decide siapa kalah mmg senang.. tapi nak decide siapa menang.. rasa macam dua2 tak deserve.. it wasnt me the only one yang cakap macam tu.. tapi ntah la.. it shows dat pelapis debat sekarang tak macam dulu.. sekarang nie tegur sikit pun dah buat muka.. abis cammane nak blajar.. so sendri mau ingat la.. alahai UMS..

old blog : Merdeka Day Out

For one whole day today, i was out.. Pagi2 lagi dah kuar jadi hakim untuk final pidato kemerdekaan peringkat UMS dan sekolah-sekolah.. yang memalukan, semua pemidato2 sekolah are waaaaaaayyyy better than pemidato2 uni.. buat malu jer.. 3 orang yang jadi hakim this morning, Abg Fahmy as ketua hakim, Fa and Me tiga2 tepuk dahi tgk kualiti pemidato2 UMS.. adui.. mmg la UMS ni dah ketandusan pendebat2 n pemidato yang baik.. or mmg ada but then bakal tak tercungkil, we never know.. kan? anyway.. dalam keempat2 finalis pemidato sekolah hari ni, ade sorang yang i can really see his potential.. darn good.. terus abg fahmy offer nak bagi recommendation klu dia nak masuk UMS.. n i do hope he'll consider la..at least ade gak UMS pnya harapan utk masa depan..huhuuhuabis pidato, me n few fwens went to 1borneo.. i bought 2 new shirts.. then went and watched ghost house.. ntahapa2 ntah movie siam nie.. konon2 citer hantu.. tapi ntahapa2 ntah.. struktur hancur.. konsep lari.. penghujahan pun tak dapat kaitkan dengan konsep.. uhh.. sudah.. my mind dah terlalu byk unsur debat smpai movie pun nak dibidas.. :P so malam nie stay je la kat rumah.. quite honestly, i dun even feel kemeriahan of merdeka day.. malam tadi pun i slept at 8.. sedih? maybe.. every year my late abah will call me to remind me not to go n celebrate merdeka kat luar.. i remmber da first year i'm in sabah.. maxis line ade prob until abah cudnt call me.. he tot dat i went out n sumthin happen.. da whole nite he cudnt sleep.. he even called everyone to da extend callin pak guard UMS to look for me!! abah.. abah.. i know he loves me dearly.. tapi i swear to God I was in my room stuck with my assignments.. so.. yesterday nite, despite no one called me to remind me not to go out, i stayed in my house.. tido, to be exact.. n coincidently i dreamt of abah.. of hugging him tight.. gosh i miss him.. just to see his smile n da warmth of his love... i cudnt 4gt da times he always hug n kiss me.. *sigh* but i know he's in a good place now.. watching over me.. n he will always be alive in my heart.. only Yassin and doa dat i cud give him everyday.. n a prayer so dat Allah will take a good care of him, n place him di kalangan orang2 yang beriman.. Ameen.. anyway.. maghrib tadi dah masuk bulan ramadhan.. cepatnya masa berlalu.. n moga2 ramadhan nie membawa kita semua seribu rahmat.. to everyone.. saya mohon ampun dan maaf sekiranya saya pernah membuat salah dan silap.. semoga kita melangkah ke bulan ramadhan ini dengan keinsafan supaya kita boleh mengerjakan ibadah puasa dengan sempurna.. ameen..

old blog: Email Hantu?

email hantu is when u received an email in which u dun even know who da heck da person is, and dat person have been stalking u for quite sum time he/she cud crapping about ur life.. what shud u do? just like facing any other hantu,
1st.. buat2 tak nampak or buat2 tak tau
2nd.. walk away hoping dat u'll never have to face dat again
3rd.. baca la apa2 yang patut supaya dat hantu wont kacau u again..

basically, dat is wut happened to my dearly friend.. but apparently my friend tidak mengamalkan ketiga2 yang i sebutkan tadi.. so bila dia :
1st: melayan hantu tersebut; consequences dia ialah hantu tersebut akan terus mengacau
2nd: reply plak balik.. lagi la hantu tu ligat mengacau sebab tau gangguan dia diterima dan disambut baik :P
3rd.. risau gile dengan keadaan tu, according to psychological explaination is dat he tend to put 2 and 2 together and started to hurt those people around him..

so.. ingat.. sesiapa yang berdepan dengan apa jua jenis hantu.. tak kira la d actual ones or email2 hantu nie, amalkan la 3 cara yang i highly recommend kan di atas..selamat mencuba..

or shud i say, renung2kan dan selamat beramal.. hahahhahahahhahahha ;)

old blog: ramadhan without abah

Sigh..i know tak baik mengeluh, esp di bulan yang mulia and penuh berkat ni..but i really am miserable.. cuz i miss abah a lot.. A LOT..every year.. i can't wait to come home to abah.. we talk, we laugh, we accompany each other.. n yes.. i do sleep with him every time i gt back, at least one night together.. abah is my life.. he is da best dad in the whole entire world, he is a great friend, he is my whole world.. there's no one cud replace him in my heart.. n not being with him this special month of ramadhan, and of course for raya, i dunno if i'm goin to be strong enuf to face this.. God, pls gimme the strength to face the world without abah.. and tempatkan abah di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.. he is a good person, a good husband and especially the best dad dat anyone cud ask for..dayyyumm.. i must have gt carried away by one of Dr Ramzah's blog post.. or izzit just my inner part of me waiting for the time to explode for hiding this tears for months.. *sigh again..

old blog : why do people love to mess with people's life

thousand times dat i told myself, "lyla.. u dun need to clarify anything.. u noe urself, people dear to u noe precisely who u r.." but i just need to.. i just need to..first thing first.. perhaps people who supposed to noe the real fact might not read this blog, but i posted this for da sake of reminding myself on how lame n childish people can be.. looking for ways to drag other people down.. *sigh* yang i dun understand myself is dat wut have i done to deserve this? i am doing my job as a psychologist.. i am being a friend who listen, love and care.. wut is wrong with being a friend? those friends who know me dearly wud noe how i appreciate friends.. how i always find a way to help em.. n people who noe me dearly noe dat i'm not dat kinda girl who people always assume i am.. i love to socialize but i noe my limits.. i noe where i'm heading and i draw a line when i need to.. abah.. it is sad dat i cudnt talk to u anymore.. it sucks dat i dun have u to cry with after all ths things dat people said about me.. but i will always remmber ur advice.. and i will not go even near to the border that u have drawn for me.. even u're not there to warn me, even u're not there to tell me wut is right n wut is wrong.. i noe for sure u will always be there to watch over me.. only ur spirit keeps me feel safe n secured.. ur love made me feel complete and satisfied.. and ur advice dat i shall remmber and carry thruout my life..to those people.. pls.. stop doin this to me.. to anyone.. always believe in karma, wut goes around comes around.. as for me, i noe dat wutever happens, happened for a reason.. so cheer up lyla.. as long as u noe who u are, wut u do.. no one can bring u down.. :)

My New Blog.. again.. grrr

Seriously.. i am tired of running from these people who hacked to my laptop n managed to get password for my email and my last blog.. so again, i created this blog to replace the old one.. but to whoever yang obsess sangat nak ruin people's life ( not to mention i lost my important contacts and valueable data in that email yang i cudnt access dah tu), if u have any problem with me, come and tell me straight to my face rather than buat benda2 macam nie.. and if u have any question that needed a truthful answer, u can always come personally to me and i wud be nothing but be honest.. but not this way la kawan.. u hacked into people's personal data.. u bash people teruk2.. but u're too coward to show urself, u think people will buy ur stories ke?

anyway.. to my deary friends... i think i'm gonna post back every single post dat i upload dekat my previous blog.. syg gak.. penat i type kat situ kan.. suddenly tak leh access.. so.. will do dat very soon..

and wanna wish a very happy hari raya to all.. esp;

- my dearest abah.. semoga tenang di sana..
- my family.. mama, abang n kak iza, nyah n abg zam, n lil rifqi n lil ika..
- for that special sumone.. :)
- my fwens, riz, ifa, dee, lan, krol, azrul, wan@ tompok, fazli, dicky n kaloi, tini, lola ( wlupun tak smbut ) dira, hilal, fairuz, khai, burhan, fa, mas, jass..alahai pjg la plak list.. semua2 la..
- my exs.. :P
- my deawest fwen Dr. A,
- my lecturer, esp to my beloved supervisor Mr Ismail, Dr Murnizam, Dr Yasmin, Dr Ramzah n abang Fahmy.. n again.. long list..
-my seniors, KS, Abg Avi, kak Ijan, Abg Rizal, Abg Hafeez,and of course to dearest Abg Nazri n Abg Mamak..
-semua2 yang i havent mention tu doesnt mean dat i lupa..

semoga semua salah silap saya dimaafkan..minta halalkan segalanya..
n especially untuk sumone yang hack to my email.. i wudnt forgive u ever until u'll pass me back my password!!! i need my email back!!! :(