Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Breastfeeding

2010-09-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

it will come naturally, that's what people always say. I disagree. First week after i gave birth, i had difficulties feeding qaliph. Not that i doesnt want to, i've been wanting to breastfeed my baby even before he was born, but when i feel like i fail to feed him enough, i almost give up. the nipples sore, his' cries, the pain from the c-section, all accumulated to drive me nuts.

it was after 3 weeks when i started to get the hang of it.. it then started to be coming naturally. now, after more than 4 months, Alhamdulillah i still manage to give feed him exclusively with my own milk. I realized how it benefits him well. He seems to be stronger, well shaped, no prob of colic, calm, n healthy.

I have to say, 3 person made breastfeeding working well for me. To the nurse in Permai Polyclinic Kota Kinabalu, Merlin for she is the one who taught me the correct way of breastfeeding. 2nd person in Kak Lia, someone that I know from BTN, for she gave me a good example, giving me tips and proves that exclusive breast feeding is possible for working mothers. Finally, to my husband Tajul Ariffin Adam, for all his' support.. from rubbing my back when i'm in pain, lifting qaliph to my lap when i couldnt move, to expressing my milk..(might sound dirty, but i really enjoy this intimate moment, nothing to do with lust, just him helping me expessing milk for our baby..) he is truly my great supporter..

husbands out there.. u might not have the milk to feed your baby..but supporting ur wife might help her to ease the pain, making it less stressful she'll produce more milk..

to my wonderful baby Ayden Qaliph, i dont want him to appreciate only me for breastfeeding him, for it was his father who help me through this process..thank you sayang..thank you daddy..

~mommy n qaliph

Preggy Memories Part II

2010-08-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

Until now, I do misses the time when I feel his lil foot kicking in my belly, the way he swim and move in my womb.. All I can say is that to anxious expecting mothers, enjoy your 40 weeks with the baby in u.. da safest place for ur baby is in ur womb.. many that i have encountered before expecting mothers mengeluh saying " bila la baby aku nak kluar" but seriously, after delivered Qaliph, just a day after dat i told my hubby how I miss the feeling of that tiny foot kicking or even his' hick-ups in my womb..

week 32, i had UTI ( urinary tract infection ) which cause a preterm contraction. dah la masa tu baru je pindah sabah, kereta pun tak sampai lagi.. mengharapkan belas ihsan kawan2.. Lola, Dr Yasmin, Melissa la jadi mangsa kena hantar gi hospital la, buat check up la, pergi exercise class la, false labor pain la, plus cari food sebab teringin la.. late night delivery dr Michelle pun ada.. huhu.. btw.. week 34 tu dah ada contraction.. sakit nyer jangan cakap la.. dat morning we went to Sabah Medical Centre.. then he said dat my baby's elbow dlm position yang tak boleh untuk lahir normal. infact he suggested untuk terus caeserean the next day tu.. me n my hubby was skeptical.. so we went for a second opinion from Hospital Pakar Likas. Da doctor kat situ advice not to deliver the baby yet. So they gave me medicine to suppress the contraction so the baby will grow until 40 weeks, baru deliver secara normal. n pasal position baby tu, selamba je Dr tu urut and the baby is back to the position. I am impressed.. biasanya hospital kerajaan ni banyak je complain.. tapi I have to tell, Hospital Likas la hospital kerajaan yang paling bagus ( as for me n my experience) not just in sabah, but i think in msia.. the only government hospital in msia with the title of Hospital Pakar Bersalin n kanak2.. i think due to the fact that the building was once private ( SMC ) then ditukarkan jadi government, the facilities are rather good.

then in week 38 i started to have pain.. sekali lagi lola menjadi mangsa kena hantar pagi2 ke hospital likas.. apparently opening dia cuma tip of finger.. so balik lagi.. week 39, monday.. i went for a check up.. da head is already in position to deliver, placenta is high.. very good shape for normal delivery.. alhamdulillah.. dat's wut i've been hoping to for the passed 9 months..then week 39, friday ( few days after dat ) i feel super lethargic.. mmg tak larat nak gi office that morning.. takde plak sakit apa2.. i went to Permai KF just to get MC la at first.. then the doctor suggested for a last scan b4 delivery sebab dah nak masuk 40 weeks. scan je terus Dr terkejut.. my baby berpusing not only 180 degrees ke atas but also 180 degrees facing the front.. so nak tak nak dia terus refer hospital likas..

so we went on that friday, 23rd April 2010 ke hospital likas.. n the doctor confirmed that the baby is in breech position. 2 option, sama ada doctor urut untuk pusing balik or to go for a c-section. for the doctor untuk urut will have a 50% chance to b back to normal position, n 50 % untuk emergency c-section, plus sakit la kena urut tu.. lagipun klu normal pun according to the doctor ada 70-80% possibility lahir kena guna instrument ( forcep, vacuum ).. kalau plan for c-section at least diorg bleh prepare darah in case of bleeding teruk, i can get a nice bikini line :P, i got to be explain thoroughly on the procedure, meet up with my doctors, tapi of course ada risks juga la such as excessive bleeding,n many other complications la.. so to cut short me n my hubby decided for a plan c-section.. n da date yang dr bagi is around 10.30-11.00 monday morning ( 26.4 ).. so i met my doctors.. ( one of em is sumone from ipoh as well ) n i was explained on the procedures and all.. it was by far the scariest moment in my life.. never i felt takut yang sampai sejuk tangan..

...to be cont

Preggy Memories Part I

2010-08-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

I dedicate this post for my beautiful Ayden Qaliph.. maybe one day he'll read this in the future and enjoy knowing the process of me having him in me, as much as i enjoy having him in me..maybe that one day I wont be around to tell him this....

When I first found out that I was pregnant, it was already 7 weeks. I had butterflies in my tummy.. i smiled all day long.. all bcuz i know i'm carrying such a beautiful God's creation in my belly.. since then.. i talked to da baby ( back then i ddnt know it's a He :P )

Thank goodness i dun have any huge problem with my pregnancy.. no morning sickness at all ( alhamdulillah.. ) but i do feel extremely, super duper malas to take care of myself! to da extend nak cuci muka pun malas! it's not sumthing dat i purposely do.. it was then my mum suspected dat i will have a baby boy.. betul ke orang tua2 kata kalau mengandung anak lelaki, pakai make up pun tak nak.. mungkin betul, mungkin kebetulan.. n yes, after 3 months ( yes, dat early..) my gynae detect it's a boy.. he is proudly showing his ding dong in the 4D scan as early as 3 months.. it's like he's saying "..look daddy.. i have one too!" :P

talking about this pregnancy, i traveled a lot during this pregnancy.. it first started in Hirosaki, Japan, then traveled all da way down to Tokyo and Kyoto.. then after 4 months, i went for a conference in Salzburg Austria. Sempat la jalan2 bawa baby dalam perut feeding pigeons in Vienna, Austria, jalan2 Juelich, Dusseldorf, Koln di Germany ( thanx to abg Oskar and family ), enjoying the beautiful scenery of Amsterdam, Netherland, lunatic roads in Antwerp, Belgium, rambang mata buying chocs at Brussels, Belgium, romantic trip to Paris, France, all da way to Sheffield, UK, visiting the most important place for Golfers at St Andrews, perfect dinner at Amir's place in Dundee, taking a ride on Ferris Wheel in Glasgow, Scotland, a week spent in Stirling, Scotland where we celebrated Hari Raya Korban and finally unforgettable London. hehe.. Qaliph2.. dalam perut lagi merata2 dah berjalan.. although 12 hrs of flight definitely menyakitkan pinggang ( and plus there was one time we hafta run bcuz of the short transit ), but it sure worth it.. i love every single second carrying him around, explaining to him eventho he might not understand anything but swimming around in my belly..

One thing about baby Qaliph, he stretch his' body a lot.. no wonder la my belly selalu keras2.. tiba2 terbonjol je keluar bontot dia.. kepala dia, kaki dia, siku dia.. n he's super duper active kicking.. which is good.. i think he's reacting on my voice.. everytime i talked to him.. i sang him a lullaby.. so.. mothers out there( fathers too ).. byk2 kan communicating with ur baby.. tho he might not understand, but ur voice will soothe the baby..

..to be cont in part II

New Me :)

2010-08-10T18:11:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah.. i gave birth to Ayden Qaliph Tajul Ariffin on 26th of April 2010..

So.. here I am.. being a mother.. it sure change me a lot.. way of life, way of thinking, my priorities have to be set up all over again.. but it sure worth it.. no more clutch or small handbags for me.. but either way, i'm still happy with my new Guess oversize handbag so i manage to squeeze in Qaliph's stuffs ( diapers, extra shirt just-in-case, wet tissue, blanket.. n the list goes on and on, i told ya it's an oversize handbag :P ) my point is people can still look gorgeous rather than sloppy just bcuz u're a mother..speaking of which.. i just wanna share on my changes after giving birth to Ayden Qaliph.. ( oh.. i wanna share on my preggy moments.. and giving birth too.. hmm.. maybe in the next post :P)

first day.. after gone thru about 2 and a half hours of c-section, i can barely get up ( am not supposed to pun :P ).. my hair was messy, my face was oily, i feel bloated, my face looks bloated.. i was in pain..all in all i look horrible..

second day.. i managed to get up and look myself in the mirror and OMG!! i cant even stand looking at myself! thanx to hubby, he manage to clean me up with wet towel ( still cant take bath ), brush my teeth, etc.. at least ok la sikit esp people starting to visit..

when i got back.. i always look myself in the mirror, wearing oversize shirt with kain batik ( which i rarely put on before ) no make up, bau minyak jer ( minyak untuk confinement )it really makes me feel down.. my confidence level mmg jatuh sgt2.. looking at my saggy tummy masa tu.. then my sister in law told me that rahim tak akan terus kecut immediately.. it'll take time.. nights of crying on my hubby's shoulder on how i wanna look like i used to.. n i determine to get the look back..

just after confinement, first thing i bought was 2 pair of jeans.. yes.. it's huge.. mmg depressing to find a pair of jeans that fit me.. but i still insists of buying.. cuz i dun wanna stay miserable wondering will i fit a jeans again.. 2 weeks after that i can't even wear that jeans anymore :P it's darn loose..

my whole point is.. mmg after gave birth, esp if u go thru c-section, akan ada tendency of depressed.. baby blues.. but for me, if it was not my hubby who stand by me, give me his shoulder to cry on, and tons of words of encouragement and his love for me that keeps me feeling alive.. and of course, looking at my precious Ayden Qaliph.. it is all worth it.. every single second, every single scar, every single stretch marks..

to my Hubby, Tajul Ariffin Adam, and baby Ayden Qaliph Tajul Ariffin, thank u very much and i love u both very much..

I'm goin to be a mommy soon!!

2009-09-14T02:28:00.000-07:00

alhamdulillah.. it's already 7 weeks.. n insya Allah will due on 29th April 2010.. pray for me n my baby..

Goshogawara, Japan...

2009-07-26T06:03:00.000-07:00

Currently with my hubby in his prog, the International Woodfire Festival in Goshogawara.. Alhamdulillah.. my hubby managed to talk to Ryoji san, the owner of Kanayama Pottery on our situation, n he offered his own house to stay..

We went to Onsen Spa that day..where there's hot spa by the sea side ( of course me n hubby tak join the others.. we hafta get TOTALLY naked to get in there ).. watched Wasao ( youtube it ).. and the previous trip we went to Hirosaki castle at Hirosaki koen ( park ).. the next one will be climbing up a mountain ( dat's wut Ryoji san told us ) or else if the weather is not so good we wud just go to archeological park ( or sumthing ).. so.. am looking fwd for dat too..

after the prog ( i honestly can't wait ) hopefully me n hubby will be going to Hokkaido.. then moving to the southern part of japan.. Tokyo Disneyland, Tokyo, Kyoto, Nagoya.. etc..

i miss Malaysia, really.. i can't blv i actually say this.. but yeah.. esp the food.. ( well i have my hubby here :P) maybe if i am in australia or UK, US.. or any other parts of the world, i am pretty much sure I wudnt miss Msia so much.. food here sucks ( i dun like sushi, never like sushi ) and not to mention it is DARN hard to communicate with people here!! i mean.. i did told em "nihon go wakaranai" ( i dun speak japanese ) but still there will be bla bla bla ( in japanese ) and when i say "nihon go wakarimasen" ( i dun understand japanese ) AGAIN.. they will bla bla bla in japanese!! aiyya.. this people...

anyway.. i'll be back to msia next month.. n i cant wait to go eat nasi goreng daging merah.. nasi goreng kampung.. ayam.. daging.. KFC.. McD.. Burger King.. New York New York.. Secret Recipe.. Starbucks..Dome.. Pak Li.. huhuhhu.. the list wud be endless..huhuhuhu *Sigh*

it has been awhile..

2009-07-18T22:46:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i last post anything in here.. hmm.. wut shud i say.. life has been such a bliss ever since i got married.. sure i had few difficulties ( was being sick) but i thank God for giving me one of the greatest gift; love, and my husband..
i could never thank him enough for taking care of me, for being patient.. for loving me more n more each day, for pampering me with love like no one else have..

11th of july was my very first presentation in an international psychology conference. Alhamdulillah, i got great feedbacks..and superb audience.. yes.. they did question me a lot of things.. n alhamdulillah i managed to answer them succesfully.. n i thank my husband for being there to support me all the way.. n he was there with me even though i know he got bored with such a heavy topics in psychology conference (wut dya expect :P )

i did passed up my thesis ( finally!! ) n now i am in hirosaki japan n doing nothing but missing my husband..

for my deary hubby.. i love u very much n cant wait to see u this tuesday..

I dun get it..

2009-04-29T01:32:00.000-07:00

to whomever that love to mess with people's life..
i dun know whether u'll read this or not.. but since u have time and love to get involve into other people's life, never know u might have time to check my blog too..
look.. everyone has past.. i accepted it, y can't u? sure we had ex bf/gf.. tapi past is past la.. kenapa u kena dig into dat details.. it was years ago.. get over it! u keep grudge to him.. but wut does dat has to do with me? u keep on pressuring him, dun u know dat it'll affect me too? n apa salah i pada u? come on.. wut goes around comes around.. u dun want to face wut we're facing now.. n trust me.. i'm not goin to let u ruin our life.
like it or not, disebabkan u people who love to talk abt me n tj menyebabkan kitorg rapat.. n then we're together.. n now that we're getting married, disebabkan u guys yg suka mengugut kitorg jd makin strong as a couple bcuz we need each other support to survive those brutal mails..
so.. whoever u r.. sudah la tu.. doakan kami.. n klu pun kami buat salah.. kami minta maaf..

counting days..

2009-03-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah..
So far preparation sume dah byk yg siap.. from caterer to hall.. bunga telur to wedding dress, semua dah settled..
I have made a reservation kat Town Hall Ipoh ( it was my late dad's wish to see me getting married there ) before this. Tapi sebab sambutan Jubli Perak pemerintahan Sultan Azlan Shah, Sultan Perak, Baginda Sultan nak gunakan dewan tu for da whole year.. so terpaksa la me n my fiance cari dewan lain.. Thanx to my bff's father, last2 min pun dapat la replacement dewan ILP kat Meru.. da wedding is schedule on da 6th of June..dissapointed juga la sebenarnya cuz it was my late dad's wish nak buat kat Town Hall tu. Then suddenly we found out dat ada wedding conducted kat town hall...then i made a call to dbi, apparently they said they do accept those yang buat rayuan to Dato Bandar untuk buat kenduri..for reasonable excuse la.. so, wut da heck, i try my luck n did send a letter.. thank goodness our rayuan diterima, n we manage to get da hall on da 30th of May.. so dat explain y i hafta change da date from 6th to 30th of may.. n of course for another reason i wanted a good fren of mine to attend my wedding as well.. she can't make it on 6th..
so anyway.. most of da preparation dah complete.. n tinggal a few things dat i need to worry on now.. n most importantly.. I DESPERATELY NEED TO FINISH MY THESIS!!! huhuhuhuhu

Alkisah hantaran...

2009-03-07T21:58:00.000-08:00

Theme for my gifts to my fiance ni hijau n putih.. n from him is pink n black..few nites me n kak iza ( my sis in law ) pening kepala cuz semua barang dah beli.. tapi kitorg still takde idea on how to gubah.. my initial idea was to keep it as simple as we cud.. to d extend rasa cam nak fold je kain ke apa ke, then letak fresh flowers.. until la da evening before the engagement, me, abang, kak iza n one of our niece gi cameron to get fresh flowers and fruits...

uih.. rambang mata tul bile my brother's fwen bagi bunga harum sundal malam ( tuber roses ) 50 batang, pink roses 100 batang, white roses 50 batang, and mix colors roses dalam 30 batang.. white lilies 15 batang..this is the first time in my life a guy gave me byk giler punya bunga.. n he is not my bf :P

so ape lagi.. satu malam la pulun ngan kak iza ( mmg satu malam tak tido buat hantaran for both side ) n idea plak flow je malam tu.. i really have to thank my sister in law, kak iza for helping me.. da whole nite kitorg gelak2.. sebab nak menghiburkan diri yang sebenarnya penat n mata yang mmg mengantuk..

so anyway.. here's da pics of hantaran.. ( few nites in a row tak tido buat bender nieee.. i do hafta take pics of ths!! )

1. kasut

2. choc

3. fruits

4. sepasang kain baju melayu

5. kemeja+ seluar

6. perfume n body care set

7. watch, wallet n belt

8. songkok, sejadah & kain pelikat

9. manisan- jelly

10. manisan- traditional cakar ayam n sweets

11. biscuits

12. gula dan halwa

13. cakes & tepak sirih

hantaran lelaki to perempuan

1. make up

2. kasut n handbag

3. facial care

4. fruits- they look darn delicious!! :P

5. telekung n sejadah

6. flowers n chocolates

7. jam tangan

8. tepak sirih

9. towel

10.duit hantaran

11. kain sepasang

12. perfume n body care set

13. cincin tunang..

more pics..

2009-03-07T21:39:00.000-08:00

here are more pics of my engagement..

1.

keluarga seblah lelaki..

2.

perbincangan seblah pengantin lelaki n perempuan..

3.

4.

hantaran untuk seblah lelaki tema hijau putih..

5.

6.

hantaran from lelaki to perempuan tema black n pink..

Engagement...

2009-03-04T19:13:00.000-08:00

yerp.. i'm engaged..
at first mmg tak nak bertunang.. tapi it was a last min decision dat my fiance's side of family feels dat it is better dat we got engaged.. so.. yes people.. i am officially tunang orang on 28th of february..
to all my fwens.. sorry la tak sempat nak invite..i prepared everything in just 2 weeks.. so mmg we purposely invite immediate family ( yang turned up to be ramai gak..thanx to every single one yang dtg.. :) )
here's a few pic.. nanti i'll post gambar2 hantaran in the next post..

me n my bestfwen, riz..

sopannyer....ishk ishk anak sape nie....

Aneurysm...

2009-02-11T04:20:00.000-08:00

well.. it's been a while since i last wrote anything here.. pretty much busy with my assignments, thesis.. and not to mention my wedding preparation.. n just this afternoon my mum asked me bertunang plak... ishk...
2 days ago.. my ear bleeds.. i tot it was nothing.. so i went to class as usual.. altho am having a terrible headache.. then yesterday i realize it still bleed.. so i went to a clinic.. da doctor suspected an ear polyp burst and explain why i bleed thru my ear.. this morning i woke up my nose plak bleeds!! i'm like.. wut??!! so i drive myself to da nearest hospital and went to see da doctor.. had a CAT scan and da doctor told me it was aneurysm.. dilation on my artery wall.. and it burst on its own.. but da doctor was kinda surprised dat i can still drive to da hospital.. most cases people dah passed out dah.. ntah.. i myself puzzled..
oh well.. i guess i better chill myself a bit.. am goin to watch a movie tonite.. hopefully i'll be ok soon.. i just need my baby.. :(( i miss him very much...

Pawang?? Puaka??

2008-12-22T03:41:00.000-08:00

i went to a theatre yesterday..can't remember wut exactly the title tho ( mainly bcuz it leaves no impact to me ) it was sumthing on pawang.. bomoh.. sumthing like dat ler..
it started with one bomoh reciting sum sort of mentera in a dark.. a bit scary ler.. but it was spoilt when ths 2 idiots came crawling.. i was abt to scream cuz i tot it was sum sort of polong/puaka or wutever malays call it.. ( i can't differentiate those ghosts.. :P )
for me this theatre banyak dragging.. and the actors/actresses just love to jerit2.. i mean.. faham la kalau diorg nak bercakap dengan penuh perasaan ke apa, but realistik la sikit.. takkan tetiba2 je nak cakap terjerit2? i think i acted better in a play during my PRIMARY school days.. yes, primary..oh well.. besides PGL, (maybe i tak tgk any other malay theatre ) perhaps i cud make a conclusion dat malay theatre is waaaaaayyyy bad.. need to improve in so many ways.. i mean.. fine,i'm not an artist nor i study ths art.. am not sumone in this line pun.. tapi i blv those people yg tgk pun boleh judge.. i'm dissapointed, really.. everytime i gave a chance utk malay movie/ theatre, they always disappoint me.. abis camne i tak gv ths kinda critics??!! bukan semua la.. tapi i cud say 90% mmg tak up to my expectation.. is my expectation to high? i dunno.. maybe.. tapi izzit too much to ask for sumthing yang more fresh.. or AT LEAST more realistic? sumthing unpredictable.. rather than 90-100 episodes kat tv yang u dah bleh agak jalan cerita dia.. aiyya.. biler nak ubah la trend storyline kat malaysia nie..
anyway.. perhaps those movie makers or pengarah teater tu akan kata i nie sumone who dun have the position to judge and giving this kinda commentary, but then again.. klu bukan target u guys untuk memberi impact pada penonton, then might as well u make another SS ( syok sendiri ) movie/teater.. buat menyakitkan hati je org bayar tiket wayang/teater then keluar dengan perasaan "huhuhu..hampehnyer buang masa kat dalam tu" unless those couples yang nak buat wayang sama dalam tu,kan?? so, until i really found a good malay movie/theatre besides PGL, i wud still mengutuk.. :P which if they do understand maksud tersirat disebaliknye, which is make a different, sebenarnya ade lagi org macam i yang mengharap perubahan dalam industri ni dekat tanahair kite nie.. kenapa filem p ramlee sampai sekarang kita tak jemu2 tgk wlu smpai dah hafal skrip dia? sendiri mau ingat la...

nothing but chilling..

2008-12-21T01:55:00.000-08:00

am supposed to concentrate on my thesis but still dun have the urge yet.. erghh.. still lepaking n dun even feel like writing anything.. dah la so many things in my mind lately.. oh well.. i'll do it sum other day.. hehe
anyway.. result shud be out very soon now.. hopefully ok la.. dah la paper sharani nak mampus susah nak score.. ntah la ape nak jadi ngan my result this sem..
i wanted to find info on dr ismail thamby pun still tak dapat2 lagi.. if anyone tau his add or how to contact him, please lemme noe, eh???

my complicated life....

2008-11-26T02:50:00.000-08:00

it has been a while since i posted a blog here.. memang couple of weeks nie agak bz and minggu2 yang meletihkan jiwa, perasaan, minda..

first, those unwanted people dat just bug in my life.. but i came to a conclusion (and thanx to hilal ) that people wud prefer to put blame on others rather cari kesalahan sendiri.. dat it is easier untuk menyalahkan orang lain dari menilai diri sendiri.. but bcuz of hilal gak, i learnt dat at times we have to learn to be nice to people despite da fact dat da person be cruel to us.. Allah tu Maha Adil.. lagi pun dapat la pahala free2 je.. klu melawan kang sakit hati dapat, dosa pun dapat... so like i use to tell myself, dun wrestle with pigs.. u will get all da dirt, they, however will get all da fun..

second, tekanan royal kali ni.. dah la this wud be my final year.. final chance untuk debate.. so of course la tekanan paling tinggi.. tapi shud be ok kut.. n thanx to people in debate dat have cheered my life this past few days.. takla tension sgt..

3rd.. yesterday.. 25.11 genap setahun abah tinggalkan kami.. rindu yang teramat sgt.. cuma doa yang boleh dikirimkan.. he is very much alive to me, still.. he always stay in my mind.. untuk abah.. semoga ditempatkan dikalangan orang yang beriman.. amin..

my name...

2008-11-23T22:56:00.001-08:00

What Lailatulqamar Means

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.

And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.

You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

People see you as a complete enigma, and only you truly understand who you are.

You spend most of your time introspecting and seeking truth.

You're a very interesting person... but not many people know you enough to realize it.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

26 th of october.. wut so special abt this date???

2008-10-29T00:54:00.001-07:00

hmm... come to think of it.. wut is so special abt 26.10.08??
ramai giler my fwens yg kawin on this date.. then da next question popped out.. when izzit goin to be me??? warghhhh... :((

bowink...

2008-10-15T03:29:00.000-07:00

i have to submit 4 ASSignments before this weekend and another one next week.. so wut am i doin hiah? Lyla!!! get back to work!!!! grrrrrrrrrr

Hujan Lagi?

2008-10-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

just yesterday i received a call from mama saying dat my fav uncle passed away.. he is abah's younger brother.. they're very close.. in fact acik ( my uncle ) stayed with abah n mama until he got married.. n acik rapat with our family.. everytime abah sakit or masuk hospital mesti dia dtg jenguk..

yang terkilan sangat tu dia sakit kali ni kitorg tak tau pun.. in fact he passed away on saturday, our relatives did tried to contact us.. tapi masa diorg call tu we were out pergi kubur arwah abah.. baru yesterday mama tau.. tak sempat kitorg jumpa dia pun.. :(

belum setahun abah pergi... acik pun dah pergi.. masa abah passed away.. he did talked to me.. sabarkan.. n i was thinking he wud be my choice to be my wali.. as he remind me of abah a lot.. tapi tak sempat juga.. :((

to abah n acik.. cuma yassin dan doa dari adik yang tak putus2 untuk 2 insan yang sangat adik sayangi.. semoga tenang dan ditempatkan dikalangan orang yang beriman.. amin..

Dear God..

2008-10-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
Pls gimme strength to face all ths.. Tunjukkan jalan yang terbaik for everyone's sake.. If only I have abah to talk to..

Travis
Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights
Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling when you belong.
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by invisible men
Still life on a shelf when
I got my mind on something else
Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong.
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights
Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling when you belong.
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
Why does it always rain on me

I hate bein single!!

2008-10-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

Few years back ( in fact few months ago ) i wud say i'm happy being single.. free.. party life.. friends.. hot guys.. :P all good things will be flowing.. but for da last few weeks.. I hate being single.. I felt miserable.. lonely.. I need sumone!! huhuhuhuhuhuh... i guess wut a friend told me was right when i told him dat i dun like to stay home alone anymore..

"that is da sign dat u're sick of being single"

so shud i just marry anyone? hell no!!.. altho.. i do have sum options.. *wink*

but still.. y "he" is da one dat i cudnt stop thinking of???

huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

-miserably me-

Day 4 of Raya

2008-10-03T20:54:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. sedar tak sedar dah raya yang keempat.. cepatnyer masa berlalu..
To dearie fwens yang hantar smss for raya, terima kasih byk2 atas ingatan korang.. but honestly, I dun even feel da mood untuk celebrate raya this year..

Most of my fwens tau yang this year I wont be back to my hometown in ipoh for raya, but on the sunday, a few days before raya, I called mama asking her whether she wud be ok of celebrating raya alone, since my sister is in Aussie n my brother will be back to his wife's hometown @Malacca. Baru la that evening i kelam kabut get a ticket back to KL.. thanx to Dr Yasmin yang temankan gi airport n purchased a RM672 to n fro KL-KK ticket.

This wud be the first year I celebr8 raya without abah.. It was hard..Every nite of raya abah akan takbir raya di rumah.. n this year.. sunyi.. I cried.. but I dun wanna show it in front of Mama.. so I just kept it inside and put up a fake smile.. I'm trying so hard to be happy.. thanx to friends like Wan, Lola, Dira, Hilal and Dee, even Zura.. At least they cheer up my raya.. n especially thanx to Dennis dear.. u accompanied me almost da whole time i dun even have time to be sad.. so yeah.. thanx to u.. to dear Gabe as well.. altho most of da time i wud be pening melayan mamat belgium nie ( i cud hardly understand wut he said :P ) but i know his intention was good.. n he is indeed a great friend..

I just got back from kubur abah.. I felt a bit relieve after a while talking to myself pretending I'm taking to him.. I told him a lot of things.. like I used to.. I know it's crazy, but I hope he can hear me.. owh well.. all I can do is to recite do'a for him.. n sedekahkan dia dengan Yassin.. semoga dia ditempatkan dikalangan orang2 yang beriman.. Ameen..

Silly Me :P

2008-10-03T05:07:00.000-07:00

kan korang bleh just tgk my old blog, kan??? hahahha... :P silly me...
http://bellezaminx.blogspot.com/

old blog : Just Created a New Blog

2008-10-03T05:05:00.000-07:00

finally.. i created a blog for public to read ( now i'm wondering, who da heck will read? haha ) i mean.. at least da next time people ask me "lyla, u ada blog?" i dun mind giving this blog add.. my last blog was too screwed up for me to pass around ( in another word i'm not so proud of my last blog because of the content; which probably i hafta to explain y, but not now, perhaps in my next post )

anyway..just got back from KT for Debat Kemerdekaan..well.. UMS just managed to break into semi.. a lot of shocking results this time.. like.. urmm.. how UPM kalah ngan USIM.. UMS with UPSI.. n of course UIA ngan UTP.. but like Encik Tajul said, not everyone will perceive the way u do.. perhaps para hakim didnt look at the issue the way u do, n that is when convincing power is very much important..

speaking of power of convincing.. nak buat camana ke.. not even one of UMS yang perempuan cakap ala2 announcer kat KLIA.. i mean.. take other girl debater, semuanya ala2 lembut n suara manja2.. haha.. bukan la kitaorang tak leh manja2 gak ( hahahahahaha) but then i dun see the need of manja-manja'ing in debate.. dat is just not our style..those who terasa in any way, i am sorry.. but i'm just saying wut i feel, n takde niat untuk mengatakan yang debaters who use suara manja2 n lembut2 tu tak patut.. but like i said, dat is just not our (UMS ) style.. so in another words, maybe kitorang ni takde power of convincing la kot..

ape2 pun, i do believe sum people prefer the knowledge itself speaks rather than convincing people with your charm..like this afternoon, i went and see my fav lecturer, Mr. Ismail to discuss on my thesis.. I have a total respect to this one lecturer.. I mean.. eventhough he is just a normal lecturer ( basically becuz dia reject to be Vice Dean ) tapi dia different in his very own way.. he might not have the charm of convincing people ( especially he is known as "i dun care" lecturer) but his knowledge speaks it all..n so does he.. he have more respect to people who speak with knowledge rather than just charm itself.. so it was a great relieve to know that knowledge is utterly important.. more than just using whatever assets dat u have to convince people. so i guess i'm gonna just stick to being myself; tough, aggresive, not afraid of speaking up, n most important, i dun speak nonsense.. n i'm proud to say that i'm smart.. *wink*owh well.. ade lagi debat lain such as debat FOMCA, royal and IKIM, which i can almost assure everyone i wont join IKIM.. hahaha.. those yang close to me mesti tau sebab ape.. :Pso for now i better concentrate on my thesis, puasa yang dah nak dekat n my lil mojo yang makin kuat makan..

old blog : debat NC 2008

2008-10-03T05:04:00.001-07:00

Just got back from debate NC, final untuk junior..hmm.. apa conclusion yang ble dibuat?lemme see.. all i can say is dat penguasaan konsep masih terlalu lemah.. which is frustrating.. there was one time dat day i was the judge for one of the match.. it was the worst in the history i think, i cudnt decide who will win, even the best speaker pun tak bleh i nak decide... bukan sebab hebat sangat, but then sebab teruk sangat i rasa macam nak kalahkan je dua2.. adoi.. beban juga jadi hakim nie..

yesterday nite i spent my whole nite chatting with an old fwen of mine, Mike.. good for him he is doin his PhD at Stockholm Uni in Mathematics.. he was so busy these days dat he doesnt even have time for himself.. it makes me think, how wud i be studying kat US or Canada ( i havent decided) nanti.. alone, miserable and single... huhuh.. it cud be both good and bad thing actually. Good, becuz i have wider range or guys to choose ( haha ), or bad ( i wud be bored being alone ).

Speaking of my love life, just so everybody noe ( cuz i'm tired of answering to other people's qs), yes i am single. BIG FULL STOP. no more question.owh well.. i better say no more, or else i hafta start a whole new blog.. haha.. so.. chiao..

old blog: Alahai UMS

2008-10-03T05:01:00.002-07:00

it's 12:53 in the morning and i'm still fresh.. just got out from shower and eating a maggi cup.. :P

so.. anyway..i just got back from final debat NC.. ade a few things yang mmg boleh dipertikaikan..

first.. ntah la.. penganjuran kali ni teruk giler.. not to say tahun2 lepas tak teruk, but by far this year is the worst.. konon2 ade new slot which kitorang bleh undi thru sms siapa yang boleh jadi personaliti debat this year.. n we were like.. "ok.. sumthing new.. " ( although ade yang question, ni debat ke another AF-wannabe's.. ) but then smpai end of the majlis pun tak buat.. apparently ade technical problem yang menyebabkan benda tu cancel.. but then malu la.. cause diorg dah inform the VIPs.. pengacara majlis pun sengal giler.. dah la lembab.. penuh labuci.. banyak plak buat kesilapan.. seriously it portray image yang memalukan pada orang luar.. it made me think.. diorg ni perlukan kursus on how to handle a majlis... even better a program.. i remmber back then when i was an outsider.. sume orang cakap klu UMS yang menganjurkan majlis, confirm "meletup".. as in makanan, tempat tinggal n hospitality mmg UMS antara yang terbaik.. recently, masa debat alam sekitar, ramai giler yang tak puas hati, termasukla kitorang yang mmg from UMS.. yang nak mengadap orang2 luar ni la yang tebal muka.. kesian gak to Dr Ramzah, Dr Yasmin, Abg Fahmi and kitorg pendebat2 UMS pun kena sama tempiasnyer..so ntah bila la benda ni nak berubah.. i have no idea.. alahai UMS...

secondly.. finally AB make a change masa persembahan.. all these while it will always be nasyid.. sampai bak kata Dr Yasmin, tahun baru cina pun persembahan dia nasyid.. so this year ade la nampak perubahan bila diorg persembahkan tarian tradisional sabah..bukan la kitorg against nasyid.. cuma kadang2 kesesuaian majlis tu.. macam deepavali or tahun baru cina, aper kerjanya buat nasyid.. yang tak best nya pulak, ade plak tersesat sorang "lelaki" dikalangan penari2 perempuan tadi.. n memakai plak baju perempuan.. i have nothing to against this group.. but then again.. takkan la depan orang luar pun u nak buat macam ni, kan? i was sitting with other hakim dari luar.. n i saw their reaction... ade yang bisik2.. this guy pun menari.. pergh.. kalah kitorang yang perempuan.. gemalai giler.. alahai UMS

3rd.. the quality of final debate kali ni itself.. adoi.. nak decide siapa kalah mmg senang.. tapi nak decide siapa menang.. rasa macam dua2 tak deserve.. it wasnt me the only one yang cakap macam tu.. tapi ntah la.. it shows dat pelapis debat sekarang tak macam dulu.. sekarang nie tegur sikit pun dah buat muka.. abis cammane nak blajar.. so sendri mau ingat la.. alahai UMS..

old blog : Merdeka Day Out

2008-10-03T05:01:00.001-07:00

For one whole day today, i was out.. Pagi2 lagi dah kuar jadi hakim untuk final pidato kemerdekaan peringkat UMS dan sekolah-sekolah.. yang memalukan, semua pemidato2 sekolah are waaaaaaayyyy better than pemidato2 uni.. buat malu jer.. 3 orang yang jadi hakim this morning, Abg Fahmy as ketua hakim, Fa and Me tiga2 tepuk dahi tgk kualiti pemidato2 UMS.. adui.. mmg la UMS ni dah ketandusan pendebat2 n pemidato yang baik.. or mmg ada but then bakal tak tercungkil, we never know.. kan? anyway.. dalam keempat2 finalis pemidato sekolah hari ni, ade sorang yang i can really see his potential.. darn good.. terus abg fahmy offer nak bagi recommendation klu dia nak masuk UMS.. n i do hope he'll consider la..at least ade gak UMS pnya harapan utk masa depan..huhuuhuabis pidato, me n few fwens went to 1borneo.. i bought 2 new shirts.. then went and watched ghost house.. ntahapa2 ntah movie siam nie.. konon2 citer hantu.. tapi ntahapa2 ntah.. struktur hancur.. konsep lari.. penghujahan pun tak dapat kaitkan dengan konsep.. uhh.. sudah.. my mind dah terlalu byk unsur debat smpai movie pun nak dibidas.. :P so malam nie stay je la kat rumah.. quite honestly, i dun even feel kemeriahan of merdeka day.. malam tadi pun i slept at 8.. sedih? maybe.. every year my late abah will call me to remind me not to go n celebrate merdeka kat luar.. i remmber da first year i'm in sabah.. maxis line ade prob until abah cudnt call me.. he tot dat i went out n sumthin happen.. da whole nite he cudnt sleep.. he even called everyone to da extend callin pak guard UMS to look for me!! abah.. abah.. i know he loves me dearly.. tapi i swear to God I was in my room stuck with my assignments.. so.. yesterday nite, despite no one called me to remind me not to go out, i stayed in my house.. tido, to be exact.. n coincidently i dreamt of abah.. of hugging him tight.. gosh i miss him.. just to see his smile n da warmth of his love... i cudnt 4gt da times he always hug n kiss me.. *sigh* but i know he's in a good place now.. watching over me.. n he will always be alive in my heart.. only Yassin and doa dat i cud give him everyday.. n a prayer so dat Allah will take a good care of him, n place him di kalangan orang2 yang beriman.. Ameen.. anyway.. maghrib tadi dah masuk bulan ramadhan.. cepatnya masa berlalu.. n moga2 ramadhan nie membawa kita semua seribu rahmat.. to everyone.. saya mohon ampun dan maaf sekiranya saya pernah membuat salah dan silap.. semoga kita melangkah ke bulan ramadhan ini dengan keinsafan supaya kita boleh mengerjakan ibadah puasa dengan sempurna.. ameen..

old blog: Email Hantu?

2008-10-03T05:00:00.001-07:00

email hantu is when u received an email in which u dun even know who da heck da person is, and dat person have been stalking u for quite sum time he/she cud crapping about ur life.. what shud u do? just like facing any other hantu,
1st.. buat2 tak nampak or buat2 tak tau
2nd.. walk away hoping dat u'll never have to face dat again
3rd.. baca la apa2 yang patut supaya dat hantu wont kacau u again..

basically, dat is wut happened to my dearly friend.. but apparently my friend tidak mengamalkan ketiga2 yang i sebutkan tadi.. so bila dia :
1st: melayan hantu tersebut; consequences dia ialah hantu tersebut akan terus mengacau
2nd: reply plak balik.. lagi la hantu tu ligat mengacau sebab tau gangguan dia diterima dan disambut baik :P
3rd.. risau gile dengan keadaan tu, according to psychological explaination is dat he tend to put 2 and 2 together and started to hurt those people around him..

so.. ingat.. sesiapa yang berdepan dengan apa jua jenis hantu.. tak kira la d actual ones or email2 hantu nie, amalkan la 3 cara yang i highly recommend kan di atas..selamat mencuba..

or shud i say, renung2kan dan selamat beramal.. hahahhahahahhahahha ;)

old blog: ramadhan without abah

2008-10-03T04:59:00.000-07:00

Sigh..i know tak baik mengeluh, esp di bulan yang mulia and penuh berkat ni..but i really am miserable.. cuz i miss abah a lot.. A LOT..every year.. i can't wait to come home to abah.. we talk, we laugh, we accompany each other.. n yes.. i do sleep with him every time i gt back, at least one night together.. abah is my life.. he is da best dad in the whole entire world, he is a great friend, he is my whole world.. there's no one cud replace him in my heart.. n not being with him this special month of ramadhan, and of course for raya, i dunno if i'm goin to be strong enuf to face this.. God, pls gimme the strength to face the world without abah.. and tempatkan abah di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.. he is a good person, a good husband and especially the best dad dat anyone cud ask for..dayyyumm.. i must have gt carried away by one of Dr Ramzah's blog post.. or izzit just my inner part of me waiting for the time to explode for hiding this tears for months.. *sigh again..

old blog : why do people love to mess with people's life

2008-10-03T04:58:00.000-07:00

thousand times dat i told myself, "lyla.. u dun need to clarify anything.. u noe urself, people dear to u noe precisely who u r.." but i just need to.. i just need to..first thing first.. perhaps people who supposed to noe the real fact might not read this blog, but i posted this for da sake of reminding myself on how lame n childish people can be.. looking for ways to drag other people down.. *sigh* yang i dun understand myself is dat wut have i done to deserve this? i am doing my job as a psychologist.. i am being a friend who listen, love and care.. wut is wrong with being a friend? those friends who know me dearly wud noe how i appreciate friends.. how i always find a way to help em.. n people who noe me dearly noe dat i'm not dat kinda girl who people always assume i am.. i love to socialize but i noe my limits.. i noe where i'm heading and i draw a line when i need to.. abah.. it is sad dat i cudnt talk to u anymore.. it sucks dat i dun have u to cry with after all ths things dat people said about me.. but i will always remmber ur advice.. and i will not go even near to the border that u have drawn for me.. even u're not there to warn me, even u're not there to tell me wut is right n wut is wrong.. i noe for sure u will always be there to watch over me.. only ur spirit keeps me feel safe n secured.. ur love made me feel complete and satisfied.. and ur advice dat i shall remmber and carry thruout my life..to those people.. pls.. stop doin this to me.. to anyone.. always believe in karma, wut goes around comes around.. as for me, i noe dat wutever happens, happened for a reason.. so cheer up lyla.. as long as u noe who u are, wut u do.. no one can bring u down.. :)

My New Blog.. again.. grrr

2008-10-03T04:33:00.000-07:00

Seriously.. i am tired of running from these people who hacked to my laptop n managed to get password for my email and my last blog.. so again, i created this blog to replace the old one.. but to whoever yang obsess sangat nak ruin people's life ( not to mention i lost my important contacts and valueable data in that email yang i cudnt access dah tu), if u have any problem with me, come and tell me straight to my face rather than buat benda2 macam nie.. and if u have any question that needed a truthful answer, u can always come personally to me and i wud be nothing but be honest.. but not this way la kawan.. u hacked into people's personal data.. u bash people teruk2.. but u're too coward to show urself, u think people will buy ur stories ke?

anyway.. to my deary friends... i think i'm gonna post back every single post dat i upload dekat my previous blog.. syg gak.. penat i type kat situ kan.. suddenly tak leh access.. so.. will do dat very soon..

and wanna wish a very happy hari raya to all.. esp;

- my dearest abah.. semoga tenang di sana..
- my family.. mama, abang n kak iza, nyah n abg zam, n lil rifqi n lil ika..
- for that special sumone.. :)
- my fwens, riz, ifa, dee, lan, krol, azrul, wan@ tompok, fazli, dicky n kaloi, tini, lola ( wlupun tak smbut ) dira, hilal, fairuz, khai, burhan, fa, mas, jass..alahai pjg la plak list.. semua2 la..
- my exs.. :P
- my deawest fwen Dr. A,
- my lecturer, esp to my beloved supervisor Mr Ismail, Dr Murnizam, Dr Yasmin, Dr Ramzah n abang Fahmy.. n again.. long list..
-my seniors, KS, Abg Avi, kak Ijan, Abg Rizal, Abg Hafeez,and of course to dearest Abg Nazri n Abg Mamak..
-semua2 yang i havent mention tu doesnt mean dat i lupa..

semoga semua salah silap saya dimaafkan..minta halalkan segalanya..
n especially untuk sumone yang hack to my email.. i wudnt forgive u ever until u'll pass me back my password!!! i need my email back!!! :(